Put Me In, Coach! (Chinese-Style Massage)

Something I forgot to add from last week, Jessica is a big massage fan so we decided to get a massage at Hezi Massage in Wudaokou. Mike had gone a few days before and gotten a foot massage, but it also included neck and shoulder massage as well. When Jess and I got to the place, we looked at their offer list and it only offered foot massage for 68 yuan for 80 minutes, or full body for 80 yuan for 60 minutes. We opted for the full body since we wanted to spend only an hour.

We had to put on these little scrub outfits, which consisted of some really unflattering length culottes (sort of Bermuda shorts length) with a little thong thing in the middle (we opted to keep our underwear on) and a kimono top (literally: it included a waist tie). We were in the same room together, so our masseuses came in together. There was a man and a woman, and I ended up with the man. In retrospect, it probably would have been better if I had had the woman, but more on that later.

Let me try to describe what a Chinese massage is... somewhat like Chinese medicine, if it's unpleasant and mildly painful at the beginning, then it will no doubt be inversely beneficial later on. The massage was vigorous, very active and totally hilarious to me because I've never gotten a professional massage before and was very ticklish.

The massage starts with head and neck massage (vigorous, poking, prodding and rubbing) and then moves to your shoulders. They also do a lot of joint and limb manipulation, involving having a stranger wave your arm around in various odd directions at a pretty high speed. They also do palm and finger massage, which is sort of odd feeling. There was a stomach rub component which did not work on me because I was so giggly, so my guy moved right on to the leg massage, which also made me giggle. There was more join manipulation involving hilarious hip contortions. Seriously, this massage made me feel like I was part of the Chinese Olympic wrestling team and that I was being prepped for the big meet.

We were then flipped over and had our backs worked on (vigorously, of course). There were times when the guy was using his elbow on my back and seemed like he was putting almost all his weight on me. At no time was the massage ever painful or injurious, but it was close. I also wanted to laugh the whole time, because I basically paid to be manhandled by a total stranger. The silly outfits did not help the situation.

The next day I was a little sore, but the day after I was fine. I don't think I would say this was particularly relaxing, although Jessica loved it and wants to go back. I think I will try a spa next time, maybe one of the hot springs places in the mountains around here or something like hot stone massage. Seems like that would be more soothing, as opposed to Rocky IV level of Soviet joint manipulation. On the plus side, I do kind of feel like Dolf Lundgren: "I vill break him."