Africa the Long Way

I flew out of Burlington "International" airport after having a nice brunch with my good friend from forever ago, Jon, who was kind enough to drive me to the airport (and drop off Pete the cat at my aunties' house). I was on Delta through Detroit and then Amsterdam, so it was a little less convenient than flying direct from JFK like the last time.

I got to Detroit around 5pm and went to my gate and found they had another flight leaving for Amsterdam right then. They asked me if I wanted to go, but I told them I'd only go if they could put me in business class. "Sure!" says the guy. Um, YES PLEASE. As you might imagine, business class is wonderful! Lie-flat beds, personal entertainment screen, delicious food and space. I opted not to sleep, since I had napped on the Detroit flight and I didn't want to miss a minute of my luxurious time in the air.

I landed in Amsterdam around 7am local time, so I had about two hours to kill before my flight to Johannesburg. I stopped by the transfer desk and asked if I could get an emergency exit row seat for the flight and they said sure, no problem! So, I got the seat I wanted. I then went into the first class lounge, which was quiet, and just read some books on my new iPad. As a reader I like it, but some people don't. Not my problem.

I found some eyedrops and my favorite Stabilo pens at the shopping area and then went to my gate. Amsterdam-Schipol has this stupid system where you have to go through another security check before you get on the plane, even though you've already gone through airport security to get to the concourse. It means that just before boarding, you have to queue in a long line, go through security again and be stressed.

Before you can even sit down in the gate area, they scan your ticket. When mine scanned, they said, "Oh, your seat has been changed to 31D." I explained that I had asked for Emergency exit row and I wanted to make sure that seat hadn't been taken away from me. I had to wait for the supervisor to check and he was a nasty little man who clearly had woken up on the wrong side of the dyke this morning. He interrogated me as to why I hadn't paid 50 euros for the seat, which made me defensive and stabby. He told me that I didn't have a good enough excuse to get emergency exit row and I asked him if he'd care to measure my inseam to check the length or if he'd like to have an arm wrestling contest to see how strong I was. He told me that he'd seen people who were taller and stronger. What a jerk! I'm sure something very unpleasant, such as a bird pooping on his head, will happen to him soon. Anyway, I got my (free) emergency exit row and swanned onto the plane with as much dignity as yoga pants and a Tyrannosaurus Text shirt will allow.

It has been a long time since I flew KLM and let me tell you, they have really gone downhill. The plane was shabby and worn. My seat had a weird lump on it. The food was crappy and the flight attendants more indifferent than normal. I was very tired so I slept for most of the flight, missing my kosher meal and awaking in time for the snack before landing.

As expected, my bag did not make it on the flight from Amsterdam to Joburg, so I exited customs since I didn't see a bag check desk, but unfortunately it was in a different section of the baggage claim area, so I had to go back inside through the employee entrance (which was rather terrifyingly easy) and then make a claim. They had a printout with my name on it showing that they knew in advance that my bag was on the flight (jerks!) so it was coming on tonight's flight, which meant that I wouldn't get it until Wednesday morning. Awesome. This is Africa!

Anyway, after a rather eventful drive home where the entrance to the N3 north was completely blocked off with no warning, necessitating a short trip on N3 south with an unmarked exit to cross over to the other side, we made it back to Cedar Lakes and I slept for about 12 hours. When I woke up this morning, I had spent about 18 of the past 24 hours asleep.

This weekend we hit Swaziland and Mozambique, can't wait!